Soo…when -do- cats calm down..? Even a little?

January 22, 2009

So we got a Turkish Van kitten back in April..He’s always been absurd, but I guess I assumed it was because he was a kitten. For the most part he doesn’t sleep..he just sits and waits. He sits and waits for the perfect time to strike. Strike the dog, the ferret..the rabbit. Even strike Ryan and I! I didn’t grow up with cats so I can’t say I’m a cat person. The whole cat experience is pretty new to me. Ryan grew up with cats however, and he says he hasn’t dealt with a cat more insane than Totoro. There’s just something wrong with this cat.

For one, he is strangely obsessed with hooks in the ceiling that are for plants. He gets visibly upset when he notices them when he wanders the house, stops in his tracks, yowls loudly and proceeds to flip out. Picture a cat doing a jump a couple feet into the air, seizuring while yowling loudly and then running off upstairs. Seriously..wtf?

Second, he’s constantly ready to attack anything alive in the house at any moment. Go in the bathroom, pee, wash hands..open up the door to leave..doo do doo..CAT FLYING WITH ARMS OUTSTRETCHED TO POUNCE YOU TO DEATH. My maltese Zoe regularly gets her ass pounced on like Discovery Channel’s lioness hunting the wildebeest. He flies out of nowhere and lands on her little white ass, holding on while she yelps from the surprise and looks at me sadly. Poor baby girl.

Third, he scratches..HARD. The cats I grew up with would scratch so it would make a pink line on the skin..no big deal right? Well he claws you like a brat and claws you deep. You can feel his little razor sharp hooked claw pulling the flesh of your hand or finger and you have o put pressure on it for awhile till the bleeding subsides. Little pootard!

Fourth, he tries to purposely eat his own fur. I brush him and since he’s a longer haired cat he’ll have a pile of fur waiting to be thrown out from the furminator. What does he do? He tries to outsmart me, get to the pile and scoop the fur into his mouth. Chew chew chew. Wtf again? Why doesn’t he just sit and gnaw on his furry back if he loves the taste if his furs so much?

Fifth..he announces when he needs to poop. Ry has a joke that he must get startled by his ass hurting from needing to poop so he howls and yowls loudly before sauntering off to his box to drop a huge, stinky load.

So those are just five reasons my cat is insane and ridiculous. When we got a cat I thought we’d have a chill cat who’d have his hyper moments and play but that he’d also just chill and be cute. My cat doesn’t chill. He just waits while he ponders his next strike. One year old is still rather young though..so I pray it’s still the kitten in him. I don’t like worrying my cat’s going to attack me when I come around the corner. Furry little gargoyle!


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